Feeling Better? How Dare You?

December and January have basically been hell. I was constantly anxious, about travelling and that job interview, but it was mostly about nothing in particular. I just couldn’t be calm and turn off my brain.

Then February kinda sneaked up on me and I don’t remember any panic attacks, any nausea that I couldn’t control, I had no trouble eating, and I think I actually started feeling better.

I have an oral presentation at uni this Saturday. I’ve known about it since November, and I haven’t started panicking yet.

I guess now’s the time.

I’m not doing it alone and I thought I’ve done a bunch of these already so wasn’t really stressed out, ’cause we completed it yesterday and sent it to the professor so she can check if it’s good. And she responded today, basically saying we should do it all over again, and I immediately felt sick. I was quite happy with the work we’ve done. We made a handout and a PowerPoint presentation and I just had to learn it well enough so I wouldn’t have to read everything during the presentation.

But now we have to change our intro. I’m not sure if our examples are well-explained. We completely have to redo our handout. And we’re only communicating by email so sometimes I don’t really understand what my partner’s telling me to do.

I feel like I could scream for an hour straight. But I’m not a screamer. I bottle it all up inside and let it eat me.

And the worst part is that I know I have two days to fix it and make it work so I don’t fail this class, but it’s just making me want to stop, lie down and not do anything. I just want to quit now, watch a TV show or something else to distract myself.

I’ll probably give an update soon about how it went.

And I might write more about oral presentation anxiety.